How Can I Improve My Child's Self-Regulation And Temperament?

Self-regulation and temperament can be closely related concepts, especially in young children. Temperament is mostly innate and based on biological factors. As children grow and develop, their temperamental qualities may become less pronounced as they learn to control their behavior. Still, children are guided almost entirely by their temperament in the first six to 18 months of their lives. Infants are not usually expected to regulate themselves in any meaningful way, but as they grow into toddlers and preschoolers, the interplay between their temperament and conscious control over their behavior often becomes increasingly relevant. Some temperament traits, such as activity level and reaction intensity, can significantly impact a child’s ability to regulate their feelings and actions. You may find it beneficial to practice co-regulation and teach self-reflection skills to your child, and a licensed therapist can help you through this process in person or online.

What is temperament?

A child's temperament may quickly become clear to those who know them best. Temperament typically differs from a child's personality, although temperamental qualities can contribute to personality. Temperament generally refers to biological factors that influence how a child interacts with their environment, while personality usually refers to the combination of temperament and lived experiences.

While human temperament has been investigated for centuries, empirical research on child temperament didn't occur until the mid-20th century. In 1963, child development researchers Alexander Thomas and Stella Chess released the first clinically oriented study of child and infant temperament. While updated research may be necessary, their work demonstrated that innate biological factors often contribute to a young child's behavior, rather than just the influence of parents or caregivers. 

Thomas and Chess also identified nine temperamental traits that can define a child’s temperament.

The nine traits of temperament

In general, Thomas and Chess developed the nine traits of temperament to categorize individual differences among the children they studied. The younger a child is, the more apparent their temperament is likely to be. Still, older children may also be influenced by their temperament, even when it isn't readily apparent. Today, developmental psychology normally recognizes the importance of understanding a child's unique temperament. Acknowledging temperamental traits can help parents adapt their parenting styles accordingly.

The nine traits of temperament are briefly described below.

Activity level

A child's activity level generally describes how physically active they are. Some children have high energy and move quickly from one activity to another. Others prefer quiet and calm activities.

Biological rhythms

Biological rhythms can be thought of as regular patterns in a child's bodily functions, like sleeping or eating. Kids with regular rhythms tend to adhere to consistent sleeping and eating times, while those with irregular rhythms may struggle to establish a routine.

Sensitivity

Highly sensitive children may quickly reach their limit with sensory input. Even seemingly small things, like a certain sound or texture, can be a significant annoyance.

Intensity of reaction

Some kids have strong reactions to both positive and negative events, while others tend to have more subdued reactions.

Adaptability

Highly adaptable children usually adjust easily to changes in their environment. Children with low adaptability may struggle to adapt to new situations.

Approach/withdrawal

An approaching child may be willing to step out of their comfort zone and try new things, such as meeting new friends. Withdrawing children may be more reserved and often need more time to warm up to new people and experiences.

Distractibility

Distractible children may have difficulty staying focused or paying attention. Children with low distractibility can usually concentrate when needed.

Persistence

Persistence typically refers to how long a child keeps working on a task. Some kids with high persistence work hard to overcome challenges on their own. Others with low persistence may ask for help or quickly move on to another task.

Mood

Moods can change from one day to the next. Still, some kids seem to have patterns of either positive or negative moods. Children with a more positive mood overall often seem happy and optimistic, while those with a more negative mood may appear quiet or unhappy.

Temperament and self-regulation

Each of the nine traits of childhood temperament can influence a child's ability to regulate their behavior. Beginning in late infancy, a behavioral system may develop that gives them voluntary control over their behavior and emotions. In child psychology, this behavioral system is commonly referred to as “behavioral self-regulation.” Temperament can significantly impact the development of self-control behaviors.

Children's temperaments may play a significant role in how well they regulate their behavior as they age. Still, external factors can be equally important. Children tend to be influenced by their environment, for instance, and factors like involved parents and opportunities for social interaction can influence how well they learn to regulate their behavior. 

Maternal child-rearing attitudes can also play a role. For example, children with overly controlling or intrusive mothers tend to be more reactive and exhibit less self-control as they age.

It can be difficult to differentiate between normal and abnormal behavior in young children. Their regulation skills are usually still developing, and they may say or do things that can seem inappropriate. Generally speaking, by the time a child is in middle childhood, they may have control over their emotions and behavior the majority of the time and can respond to redirection.

Despite popular misconceptions, it appears that the temperaments of boys and girls are similar. While more recent research may be needed, evidence suggests that the only significant gender difference may be self-control. Girls may have a stronger ability to regulate their behavior than boys and can usually delay gratification longer. 

No matter a child's gender, teaching self-regulation can be important. Regulation skills are often crucial for maintaining mental and physical health across the lifespan. 

Helping children improve their self-control

There may be several ways to help children improve their behavioral and emotional regulation. However, it can be critical to remember that children who are learning regulation typically need encouragement and support, not punishment. While developmentally appropriate consequences for undesired behavior can be useful, it may be equally important to ensure that the child feels supported and loved while their regulation skills are still developing.

Below are some strategies for helping children develop self-regulation skills.

Practice co-regulation

Young children are usually still learning to regulate their behavior. Experts recommend a co-regulation approach to help them learn the necessary skills to manage actions and feelings. Below are the basic steps to co-regulating effectively:

• Build a warm, open, and responsive relationship. In general, children need to feel respected as individuals, comforted in times of stress, and confident their caregivers will provide for them. Providing this security may be necessary for a child to gain self-efficacy, or the belief that they can acquire new skills and achieve goals. 
  
• Structure the environment for self-management. Environmental stressors can significantly reduce a child's ability to regulate themselves. Create an environment that is physically and emotionally safe for a child to explore at their developmental level. Also, consider creating consistent, predictable, and developmentally appropriate routines and expectations that are clearly expressed to the child.
  
• Teach regulation skills. Start by modeling regulation in your own behavior, then offer the child instruction and practice opportunities. Behavior regulation might not be an instant process. It may be necessary to scaffold regulation skills so that they can develop over time. 

Use clear signals and cues

Young children are sometimes unable to respond to social or environmental cues. Caregivers can help by providing clear physical reminders for children. For example, if a preschooler is talking when they aren't supposed to, a parent or teacher might tell the child to put a finger to their lips. This can serve as a physical cue that it is time to listen, not talk.

Teach self-reflection skills

When parents or caregivers calmly respond to impulsive or inappropriate behavior, children may be given an opportunity to choose different behaviors. Helping children develop self-reflection may require non-judgmental and non-emotional feedback. In other words, the caregiver may need to regulate themselves before responding to what could be perceived as misbehavior. 

Parents can also introduce mindfulness skills, which may be particularly effective for children who have trouble regulating themselves.

Benefits of online therapy

Online therapists can help you understand the temperamental qualities of your child and how they relate to their ability to self-regulate. They can also offer strategies for helping your child learn to regulate themselves independently. Attending therapy online may remove some common barriers for busy parents, too. For instance, there’s generally no need to travel to a therapist’s office or attend sessions during office hours. With online therapy, you can meet with a mental health care professional from the comfort of your home and make appointments that fit your schedule. 

Effectiveness of online therapy

Online therapists typically use the same evidence-based techniques as traditional therapists, and those who have attended in-person therapy may find the experience similar. A therapist can help you with your child's behavior and support you directly by addressing any mental health concerns you might have, such as stress management, for example. Although they deliver their services online, evidence indicates that online therapists tend to be just as effective as their in-office counterparts.

Takeaway

Temperament and behavioral regulation tend to be closely related in young children. In general, children must develop the ability to regulate their feelings and behaviors. “Good” behavior is not necessarily an innate trait. Helping a child develop regulation skills usually requires patience and the willingness to regulate your own behavior. Connecting with a licensed therapist can help you hone your parenting skills and support your child to the best of your ability.