Are Fears And Self-Doubt Holding You Back From Enjoying Single Life?

As a single person, you may have probably experienced pressure from friends or family to “find” someone. While the expectation to date can be overwhelming, there are many benefits to being single. For example, happy single people often know themselves better, enjoy more free time, and have closer relationships with friends and family than their married counterparts. This article explores the benefits of being single and how you can start embracing single life. 

Why you might feel bad about being single 

There are many benefits to being single, so why does it feel bad sometimes? Here are a few  reasons: 

• Mindset: Mindset plays a significant role in how happy you are in your single life. For example, one study found that people who view themselves as voluntarily single experience lower rates of romantic loneliness compared with those who consider themselves involuntarily single.
• Stigma: People in long-term relationships are often called mature, kind, or stable. A single person, however, is more frequently labeled as insecure, self-centered, or unhappy. This type of stigma is sometimes referred to as “singlism.” 
• Social pressure: If you’ve found yourself being pressured by friends and family into accepting a blind date or asked if you’ll ever settle down and start a family, you’ve experienced social pressure. Pressure from others to be in a relationship may make you feel as if being single is the wrong choice. 
• Guilt: Shani Silver summed up the experience of many single women, saying, “The guilt of doing nothing about our singleness is what keeps women going back for more.” Some people feel guilty being single because they believe they’re supposed to put in constant effort to no longer be single. 
• Customs: Once you reach a certain age, there is often an expectation to stop living life solo, get married, and have a family. As single people age, they may become more conscious of their relationship status. 
• Self-doubt: Some involuntarily single people worry that they don’t deserve love or that they’ll be single forever. 
• Comparison: If your peers are getting involved in serious relationships and you’re still single, you could become jealous or wonder why you don’t have that, too. This challenge is often exacerbated by social media and FOMO (fear of missing out).  

Many of the negative feelings people have about being single are rooted in societal expectations, discrimination, and stigma that becomes internalized. 

How being single can be positive 

If you’re single now—whether by choice or not—there are many benefits to explore. For example, you can: 

• Do whatever you want on your own schedule: You could workout at midnight, sing in the shower as loud as you want, or watch the new series you want to binge without worrying that your partner wants to watch something else. 
• Spend more time with close friends and family members: Romantic relationships take up a considerable amount of time. Without one, you can focus on other important people in your life. 
• Get all the exercise you want: Single people are more likely than married people to get enough physical activity. This is likely because they have more free time than their married counterparts. 
• Focus on your own personal or career growth: When you’re single, you won’t need to worry that your own goals will get in the way of time with your partner. 
• Get to know yourself: According to relationship expert, Susan Winter, “Intimacy and partnership takes up a lot of space in our heads. Even though much of this is happening unconsciously, there’s simply a lesser capacity for individually focused thought.” When you’re single, you can take the time to build a loving, healthy relationship with yourself. 
• Skip the drama: If your relationships tend to be turbulent or breaking up throws a wrench in your life, you’ll likely appreciate the calm of being single. 
• Flirt whenever you want to: If you find the barista attractive, you can flirt in good conscience. 
• Set the thermostat to whatever you want: When you’re single, you have the ultimate freedom to live your life the way you want to. Meal choices, weekend plans, thermostat temperature, vacation destinations, which side of the bed you want to sleep on-…You won’t need to compromise. 

What to do to improve your single life 

Here are some ways you can harness the freedom and independence of being single to live the real life you want:

Focus on your goals: Without having to worry about someone else’s goals, you can focus entirely on what you want to achieve. 

• Pursue the career you’ve always wanted
• Get your education
• Learn a new language
• Take a dance class
• Write a novel
• Sign up for an art class 
• Travel to another country
• Move to your dream city

Spend time with those you care about: Romantic relationships aren’t the only form of social support you can have. 

• Move closer to your family
• Have a routine dinner date with friends
• Meet like-minded people by joining a group or organization you care about

Develop healthy habits: When quiet time after work doesn’t have to be spent catching up with your partner, you can invest your time into self-care. 

• Journal
• Meditate
• Get regular exercise
• Cook nourishing meals for yourself
• Catch up on chores and responsibilities

Get to know yourself: When you’re single, you can “date” yourself and learn to enjoy your own company. 

• Explore your values, goals, interests, and passions
• Treat yourself the way you’d want to be treated by buying yourself flowers, taking yourself out to a nice dinner, or getting a concert ticket when your favorite band is in town
• Challenge your inner critic
• Discover what you enjoy the most
• Find your most independent and capable self

With the right mindset, being single can boost your mental health, strengthen your social network, improve your relationship with yourself, and help you fulfill your life goals. 

How to deal with negative feelings about being single

If you’ve been single for a while, you might start to experience low self-worth or feeling that you’re “not good enough.” You may also experience feelings of frustration or loneliness.  

Addressing loneliness can help prevent a variety of mental disorders, such as depression, substance use disorders, and sleep disorders. Maintaining self-esteem and social needs may also be beneficial to your physical health. It’s also connected with physical disorders like diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and obesity. 

However, a romantic partner is not necessarily needed to relieve loneliness. Many single adults find the social support they need to thrive from friends, family, pets, colleagues, and their community. And if you are interested in having a romantic relationship, there are many like-minded people out there, as well as many ways to find love.

You can also try speaking with a therapist to address your concerns. 

Studies support the idea that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can address loneliness. In a 2020 study of internet-based CBT, researchers found that therapy had a long-lasting impact on reducing loneliness and improving overall wellbeing. Additional studies have found that online CBT can be effective for a range of mental disorders, including depression, anxiety, posttraumatic stress disorder, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. 

Online therapy platforms match clients with licensed therapists who can help them navigate concerns like low self-esteem, loneliness, or how to handle the stigma surrounding single life. If you’d rather avoid commuting to therapy, or if you’d be more comfortable attending sessions from home, you might want to try an online platform like BetterHelp.

Takeaway

Society tends to push people towards romantic relationships, perpetuating the stigma that people cannot lead happy and successful lives without a life partner. However, being single can be a great opportunity to focus on your own needs, work towards your goals, and maximize your happiness. Many single people lead rich and fulfilling lives. 

If you’re experiencing loneliness, stress about dating, or if you want some help getting to know yourself, you may want to reach out to an online cognitive behavioral therapist. They can address your mental health challenges and help you grow into a more confident, self-loving version of yourself.