Looking To Increase Your Self-Control? Try These Willpower Strategies

Self-control, sometimes referred to as willpower, involves regulating one’s behaviors, impulses, and emotions in order to achieve long-term goals. Although we all have the capacity to exercise self-control, it can be difficult to do so due to a variety of complicating factors. If you feel like insufficient self-control or willpower is preventing you from accomplishing your goals, you might explore the information below about what self-control is and tips that may help you improve your sense of it.

Where does self-control come from?

But what factors go into how much self-control a person has, and how might that affect their future? A famous experiment related to self-control, known as the Marshmallow Test, was an early example of social psychologists trying to answer these questions. It was performed in the 1960s on a small group of preschoolers. The kids were told they could either have one treat now—a marshmallow—or receive two treats instead if they agreed to wait for a period of time. Researchers followed the children who participated in this experiment throughout their lives and found that those who exerted self-control and delayed gratification to get the two treats ended up with high SAT scores, lower BMIs, and better coping skills—but this experiment was not without its flaws or criticisms.

In a study published decades after the initial experiment, researchers used a larger and more diverse sample size for the self-control tasks and it yielded different results. This updated study found that socioeconomic background and related factors like having a parent with a college degree influenced whether kids could exert self-control and resist eating the single treat to get the payoff of double treats. These significant socioeconomic advantages rather than an innate sense of self-control, the researchers suggest, are more likely to have been what led to their success later in life.

On the other hand, some research indicates as much as 60% of willpower is inherited. So what does all this mean? To put it simply, willpower is an ability that can be affected by many different factors. While you may not be able to control or adjust all of them, there are still various strategies you can try to help improve your own self-control and self-regulation abilities.

Other factors that may affect self-control

Note also that there is still debate about whether self-control is something we have an unlimited supply of or something we need to refuel after we use it. While some older research suggests that self-control relies on a combination of personal beliefs, task difficulty, mood changes, and feedback and is limitless, other studies suggest it may actually be a finite, though renewable, resource. 

The latter follows the theory of ego depletion, which says that we only have so much self-control to use at one time. Psychologist Roy Baumeister, an early proponent of this theory, suggested that all decisions use mental energy, and once we use it all, we can no longer exert self-control until we’re able to renew it. 

Finally, it’s also worth noting that various physical and mental circumstances can affect a person’s willpower in a given moment. Lack of sleep and high stress levels are two examples of factors that research suggests can decrease self-control abilities. In addition, some forms of neurodivergence—such as attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)—may manifest as a tendency toward impulsivity. Although ADHD is not simply a matter of willpower, the structural and chemical differences in the brains of individuals with this type of neurodivergence can cause impulsivity, which can make exerting self-control harder—particularly without adequate coping strategies.

Self-control and willpower strategies to consider

Self-control and willpower are often crucial components of healthy habits, emotional regulation, personal growth, and goal achievement. It’s human to struggle with self-control sometimes, and as described above, many other factors can affect a person’s ability to exert willpower in a given situation. That said, there are various strategies to explore that could help boost your abilities over time.

1. Reduce temptations and distractions

It’s not always possible, but reducing or removing temptations and distractions if you can may help you set yourself up for success. For example, in the Marshmallow Test, some kids helped themselves avoid eating the first marshmallow by placing it out of sight. A real-world example of this could be putting your phone in a different room and wearing noise-canceling headphones when you’re trying to get some work done.

2. Have a plan

Research suggests that having a plan in place for when temptations or distractions arise can help increase your self-control in those moments. The example the American Psychological Association gives is someone who is trying to limit their alcohol intake planning to ask for a club soda with lime if they’re offered a drink at a party they’re attending. Having a plan for handling challenges beforehand can increase your confidence and your focus and take away some of the potential wavering that can occur when faced with a temptation.

3. Think about your motivation

What are you trying to accomplish? Are you trying to achieve this goal for yourself and because it aligns with your values, or only because someone else expects you to? Willpower can be elusive if you’re trying to accomplish something to make someone else happy, according to some older research on the topic.

If you’ve analyzed your motivations and agree with where they’re coming from, you might then turn your attention to the benefits your hard work will bring. For example, you might take time to notice what your goal of incorporating more nutrient-dense foods into your diet does for you, such as improving your sleep or mood, which may help you stay the course.

4. Believe in your abilities

As mentioned earlier, there is some debate about whether self-control is an endless or limited resource. Some other research suggests that a person’s mindset may play a significant role in their reserves of self-control. According to one older study, people who answered statements that correlated with belief in their own ability to improve their willpower were more likely to exhibit stronger willpower. In other words, believing that you can strengthen this mental muscle may actually help you do so.

5. Practice self-compassion 

It’s usually not helpful to think of willpower in all-or-nothing terms. It’s impossible to make precisely the right decision in every situation every time without slip-ups. In fact, failures and setbacks can be valuable teachers along the way. That’s why practicing self-compassion when you give in to temptation from time to time may be helpful, as it could allow you to recover and get back on track more quickly and without suffering from guilt or other psychological setbacks for not meeting your own standards.

How therapy may help

If you find it challenging to exercise the level of self-control you’d like to in order to meet your goals, speaking with a therapist may be useful. Working with a licensed mental health professional could help you figure out if any underlying emotional challenges may be hampering your efforts, and they can guide you in developing strategies to support the pursuit of your goals. If a mental health condition is at play, they can help you address symptoms. If a form of neurodivergence is at play, they can help you find ways to make progress toward your goals that may be more compatible with how your mind works.

Online therapy can be an option worth considering if you feel uncomfortable talking to a professional in person or have trouble commuting to and from regular in-office appointments. With online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a licensed therapist who you can meet with via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging from the comfort of home or anywhere you have an internet connection. Research suggests that online and in-person mental health care can offer similar efficacy for clients in many cases, so you can typically feel confident in choosing whichever format appeals to you.