Navigating Mother’s Day Amidst Loss

If we are lucky enough to have it, a mother’s love can be precious— the kind of love that only one person can give. Mother’s Day is an annual holiday in the United States that invites people to celebrate their moms. It can be very difficult for many people, especially those who are mourning the mother they lost or never knew. When your mother is no longer alive, Mother’s Day can go from a day of commemoration and brunch to a time of profound sadness and longing. 

So, what can you do when you are one of the millions of Americans who have lost their mother and feel like Mother’s Day is less of a celebration and more of a day of mourning? In this article, we’ll offer some strategies for getting through a difficult day—including activities you can do to honor your mom, information about the grieving process, and some inspirational words about mothers to help you feel less alone.

Honoring mom’s memory through action 

It can feel empowering to act. When Mother’s Day rolls around, and it feels like everyone is talking about plans with their moms, you don’t have to try to fake a smile and push through— you can take action to honor your mom on Mother’s Day. Here are some ideas that can help you navigate the day with greater ease: 

• Honor your other mother figures. Many of us have other people in our lives that fill a mother-like role. This could be a longtime family friend, neighbor, or other loved one. Sharing the day with this mother figure can be a healing experience. Give them a call, send an email, or visit them in person if possible. Caring words lavished on a mother figure on this day may help ease some of the pain. 
• Have a sibling gathering. Chances are that your siblings are also having a tough time this Mother’s Day. Consider planning a little gathering to catch up, such as a lunch or dinner together—if you are distant, video messaging could work wonders. You can share memories together of your mom and what you loved about her. Talk together about your mom’s pure heart, their wicked sense of humor, or their goofy habits. Spending time with your siblings and sharing their life with the people who knew them best can be cathartic. 
• Share mom with your young family members. It can also be helpful to share special memories of your mom with some of your younger family members, like nephews or nieces, or even your own children. Pull out photo albums or share pictures from your phone, share pictures of mom wearing weird 70s fashions, and talk about all your favorite memories of the beautiful, kind, and silly things that mom used to do. By doing so, you can keep your mother’s memory alive for the next generation. 
• Support a cause for mom. Was there a cause that was close to your mom’s heart? You can use Mother’s Day as a reason to support that cause. You might give a cash donation, or if you have spare time, you may even choose to volunteer. 
• Visit if you are nearby. While it may seem counterintuitive to visit your mother’s gravesite to feel better, doing so may actually help. You can sit by the headstone, and even have a conversation with your mom. Use this time to talk about things that are going on, how you’re feeling, and to share anything that you think they’d be interested to know. It can be painful, but it can also be healing to catch up and talk out loud. If your mother doesn’t have a physical resting place, then you can visit somewhere that was special to them.
• Pick up a mom-approved hobby. Honor your mom’s memory by taking up a hobby they loved. Take pottery classes, learn to salsa dance, or join a community garden. Participating in something that your mom loved can help you feel more connected to them.

Inspirational quotes about mothers

Mothers can be an enormously important part of your life. The following mix of inspirational and bittersweet quotes from public figures may help by showing how moms can affect all of our lives, even when they’re no longer with us physically.

• “A great soul serves everyone all the time. A great soul never dies. It brings us together again and again.” –Maya Angelou
• “Burnt toast is actually fairly symbolic of Motherhood. If you are the one who burned the toast, you scrape it off and eat it yourself. If they burned it, you eat it because they burned it especially for you.” –Emily Watts
• “Being a mother is an attitude, not a biological relation.” –Robert Heinlein
• “I have an angel watching over me, and I call her mom.” –Unknown
• “A mother is your first friend, your best friend, your forever friend.” –Unknown
• “Mom, you are the most beautiful memory I keep locked in my heart.” –Narin Grewel
• “Love the whole world as a mother loves her only child.” –Buddha
• “Life has to end,” she said. “Love doesn’t.” –Mitch Albom
• “I cannot forget my mother. She is my bridge. When I needed to get across, she steadied herself long enough for me to run across safely.” –Renita Weems

Understanding the grieving process

None of us can truly understand death, but we have some idea of how the grieving process works. Developed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, the Five Stages of Grief theory has been a benchmark of how we process grief for decades. The stages of grief include the following: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. 

While these stages give us an idea of what to expect, experts tell us that they are often not experienced in a linear way. Many will skip a stage, repeat a stage, or may experience them in a different order. There is no “normal” way to grieve, and with the life-altering loss of a mother, the grief process may take a long time. Give yourself a break, and don’t rush yourself or feel that you need to be in any one stage of grief. Allow yourself to move through the process at your own pace. 

Online therapy for grief

You may find that despite trying to manage your grief over the loss of your mom, you are having trouble. Grief itself is a normal process, but in some cases, it can sometimes lead to mental health conditions like depression or anxiety. If you find that your sadness has made it difficult to participate in everyday life or to the things you usually enjoy, there is help available. Therapy can be useful for working through the grieving process and helping you manage your negative emotions in a healthy way.

If you find that it’s difficult to get to in-person therapy appointments, online therapy is available. With an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a licensed therapist that has experience with helping clients through the grieving process. From the comfort of home or anywhere else you have a stable internet connection, you can receive support and guidance through the highs and lows that tend to accompany daily life. 

The efficacy of online therapy for grief

Research has shown that online therapy is just as effective as traditional, in-person therapy. In one study, researchers assessed the efficacy of an internet-based intervention for grief after bereavement. They found that the intervention produced significant effects on symptoms of grief, depression, and posttraumatic stress. Participants also rated their satisfaction with the program as high.

Takeaway

Mother’s Day can be a difficult day to navigate when you’ve lost your mother, but there are steps you can take to make the day more manageable. By continuing to honor your mother throughout the years, you can help keep their memory alive. Remember that there is no “normal” when it comes to dealing with this type of loss and that what you’re feeling is valid. If you need help navigating the feelings that you’re experiencing, therapy can offer tools to guide you through the grieving process and help you cope with the pain. While any form of therapy can be useful, online therapy may be preferable for those who would like to receive care from the security and comfort of their own homes.